Date:	2004-06-04 16:16
Subject:	Summertime and the livin is easy until 6/7
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	Beres Hammond: Can You Play Some More (Pull It Up)

Lots 'o stuff has been happening lately. Not overwhelming, but lots nonetheless.
Funny thing is... I don't want to write about it.
Maybe it's being sick from eating at FreshChoice last night (warning: don't go there!!!)
or maybe it's the fact that these are my last precious days of bonafide vacation before summer school starts and my brain is on strike till then.

Either way, I'll talk to ya later.

Date:	2004-05-27 16:24
Subject:	By the River
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

I cannot be taught what I need experience to learn.

Date:	2004-05-10 14:31
Subject:	in no particular order
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious
Music:	the airconditioning in the OR office

Random list of shit:

*I'm on 2nd cup of coffee.

*Mother's Day I called Mom and got into a little spat.

*This is my last official 7 days of school for the semester.

*I have 3 papers to do in the next 2 weeks.

*Zach's graduating in 13 days.

*I meet Zach's mom in 11 days.

*We're picking our new Editor in Chief in the next 3 or 4 days.

*Zach's graduation party is in 12 days.

*I have 4 meetings (outside the paper) to go to this week.

*The last OR is coming out in 3 weeks.

*The next OR is coming out in 4 days, which makes...

*tonight PRODUCTION NIGHT, which makes...

*the next 36 hours agonizing (but in a kinda good way, if that makes sense).

Date:	2004-04-27 23:34
Subject:	Productive production?
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	kexp.org

Well, it's almost midnight and Colleen and I are still here in the OR office finishing up production of the paper. I totally thought we'd be out by know, but I always underestimate how long it takes to transfer all the individual pages onto the master template. Ugh.
The only thing that keeps me here (besides knowing we're going to have a kick-ass paper on Thursday)is that tomorrow is all about Law & Order, chocolate icecream and Poisonwood Bible: totally pampering myself after this looooooooooooong, stressful day.

I'm all registered for classes for next fall (thanks Zach) and pretty much set up for the rest of my college career (again, thanks Z). Next fall is going to be a pain: 2 HCOM classes, PreCapstone and Spanish (which will kick my ass). Then maybe summer school... Damn, it almost sounds like I like this place so much I can't tear myself away.

Date:	2004-04-24 06:20
Subject:	Please play this song on the radio...
Security:	Public
Mood:	enthralled
Music:	the lovely Ella Fitzgerald

I have this song in my head. I've heard it before (it's fairly new) and I just heard a snippet on the TV the other day. I don't know the words. I don't know the tune. I know it's one of those English-sounding bands that recently came on the scene... like the White Stripes, the Vines or maybe the Strokes. It's seriously driving me crazy.

For our moonthly anniversary (not a misspelling btw), Z got me The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, one of my favorite authors. She is amazing. I'm 3/4 of the way through and I can't put it down. I had to stop today because I got to a part where I couldn't stop crying.

I'm such a sucker.

Authors and filmmakers (and some very astute commercial writers) have the ability to pull me in to their world and manipulate my emotions. It's such a weird thing to cry over characters in a book. But sometimes you're as close to those characters at that moment than you are to your best friend. You understand and relate to those characters so, in turn, the author has the peculiar capacity to understand you.

Imagine that.

Date:	2004-04-20 23:09
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	Dave Matthews: The Space Between

Sort things out
one by one
place into respective piles
each catagory growing exponentially,
they threaten to topple over
and destroy my illusion of
sanity.

Date:	2004-04-20 12:43
Subject:	GORP
Security:	Public
Mood:	sick
Music:	Deathcab for Cutie: Tiny Vessels

I love this snack mix. Raisins, chocolate, peanuts, sunflower seeds... yum.

So I'm not feeling too good today. I have an itchy throat that's threatening to turn into a cold or something. Yuck. I'm also not going to yoga today because I really want to go see this speaker, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, that's coming at the same time. At the rate I'm feeling, though, I might just go home and try to get past this icky feeling.

I kinda want to leave right now, but I have that counseling appointment in a few hours, so it'd be fruitless to leave and have to come back. Once I go home that's it. Pjs, a cup of tea and I'm down for the count.

Date:	2004-04-20 00:11
Subject:	Did I mention...
Security:	Public
Mood:	mellow
Music:	some weird music on 89.9 that's kinda freaking me out

I turned 24 the other day?
Or, as I like to think, 23 and 367 days ;)
We went through the process of picking editors today, and I feel more confident in our decisions now that I've talked to the current editors. I think this may actually work... haha.
Tomorrows a big day.. I'm going to go meet a guy for a proofreading job he needs done. My mom's all... mom... about it though, making sure this guy's not a weirdo or anything.
"Are you meeting in a public place?"
"Does Zach have this guy's contact info just in case?"
"Are you taking your cell phone?"
et cetera.
But don't get me wrong. I appreciate the mommy reminders. It lets me know she loves me and still wants to take care of me as much as she can from hundreds of miles away.
I'm also going to see a new counselor tomorrow. I'm kinda nervous, like I am every time I talk to someone I don't know about extremely personal stuff. I think that's why I like writing in here or in a journal-- you can say all the stuff you're thinking and feeling and not have to see anyone's immediate reaction. I think that has to do with how I feel comfortable handling things. not being put on the spot and instead given time to think and articulate my feelings.
Kinda along the lines of the "golden rule," huh.

Date:	2004-04-19 13:18
Subject:	Turn turn turn...
Security:	Public
Mood:	nostalgic
Music:	KEXP.com

So we're now in the process of hiring a whole new staff for the paper for next semester. We're looking for the whole shebang: News, Sports, A&E editors, Photo editors, Managing Editor, Production Editor, Editor in chief... I don't think we've ever had this happen before, where no editors are returning. I'm really bummed. The editors that have been with me the past year or so have been truely amazing. I just don't see the enthusiasm they brought to the staff in our current applicants. Some people wanting to be on staff next semester I feel fairly confident about, but definately not all. Plus, HCOM's hired a new faculty advisor, so everything is bound to change. I guess that's the nature of a college newspaper. It can't stay the same with so much turnaround of editors. It still makes me a bit sad though.

Date:	2004-04-15 20:53
Subject:	gosh
Security:	Public
Mood:	pensive
Music:	Beatles: Love You Too

It's been a long time since I've been on here. I'm surprised I even remembered my password. Late last night my friend and I were laying out pages for the paper and I asked her about blogging. She had never heard of the term, so I tried to explain, but failed miserably. I mean, it's hard to distinguish blogging from posting on a forum... I told her it was like your own personal forum, but I don't think that works either. Anyway, long story short, I pulled up this livejournal to show her an example. Turns out my last posting was about a year ago, and two very very dear friends had responed to my last post and I didn't even know it. Teaches me to leave, huh? Anyway, I'll try to write in here more often, since it seems like a good way to keep in contact with loved ones.

(oh-- that's you by the way.)

Date:	2003-01-03 17:44
Subject:	[song that]
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

[reminds you of an ex-lover:] "Comfortable" John Mayer

[reminds you of an ex-friend:] "Hypnotize" Notorious BIG

[makes you cry:] "Let You Down" Dave Matthews Band

[makes you laugh:] "Idiot Boyfriend" Jimmy Falon

[you wish you wrote:] "Self Evident" Ani Difranco

[that you love to sing along to] "She Hates Me" Puddle of Mudd

[you never want to hear again:] "Hot in Herre" Nelly

[you want to get married to:] "At Last" Etta James

[makes you want to mosh/slam dance:] "Don't Call Me White" NOFX

[sums up your teenage years:] "She" Green Day

[you used to hate but now love:] "Don't Tell Me" Madonna

[you like to wake up to:] "KRS-One" Sublime

[you like out of your parents record collection:] "Tangled Up in Blue" Bob Dylan

[you love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend:] "Sarah Bellum" Mother Hips

[makes you think of someone who died:] "Grace" Jeff Buckley

[you love the video more than the tune:] "Pardon Me" Incubus

[reminds you of your first crush] "Fly" Sugar Ray

[you love which is from your favorite - contemporary - movie:] "Shove This Jay Oh Bee" Canibus feat. Biz Markie

[makes you think of sex:] "Feeling Love" Paula Cole

[makes you think of being alone:] "Another Lonely Day" Ben Harper

[you love to hear at clubs:] don't go to clubs....

[has only been released recently but you love already:] "Come Away With Me" Norah Jones

[reminds you of the one you love:] "Here, There and Everywhere" the Beatles

[makes you feel weird:] "College Girls are Easy" Eazy E (I think)

[you are listening to now:] "I Know" Jude

Date:	2002-12-22 22:57
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	contemplative

Sunset in Carmel


Lovers wrapped close in one jacket
hush once the sun
dips her toes into the ocean


Adults watch the sunset
as if it were a matinee movie


Children not yet appreciative
of the ephemeral nature of beauty


All rush to the car
to beat traffic
A story-book ending to the day


Dusk, unsung,
grows into cold and distant night
before throwing sunset
into reverse.

Date:	2002-12-11 20:26
Subject:	forget it.
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

You know, for how skeptical I make myself out to be, I certainly do put a lot of faith in the idea of fate and destiny when it comes to relationships. I wonder why...
Maybe because love has that same elusive feeling as spirituality that I naturally align them along side each other. One of those things you're "just supposed to know" when you feel it and if you don't, then it hasn't happened to you/ doesn't exist for you. Is that fair though? The idea of faith and the idea of love are separate entities and should be treated as such. Sure, each is an aspect of the other but they are not dependant upon one another. Are they?
Of course, I'm making some major assumptions here, like making fate, destiny, spirituality and faith synonymous, which they aren't. So I guess this entry is bunk.

It's like the day is crying for me
giving the release of tears
that I hold tight to
I want to talk this out
but not with you
I want to run away
but not move from your side
I want to scream, hit and kick you
but not hurt you
I want to love
but not do it alone.

Date:	2002-12-09 10:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	nervous

I'm desperately trying to relate this to something
some kind of context that I can look at objectively
but I find nothing
and resign to forge into new territory.

Date:	2002-10-04 09:13
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

I was in media ethics today and my professor talked extensively about privacy. It really made me think... I think I'm going to hold off on writing in here for a while, just so I can maintain some level of autonomy. We'll see how it goes.

Date:	2002-10-02 23:36
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	awake
Music:	kexp.org

sleep sounds so wonderful to
this tired worn out body
but my mind won't agree
running in circles
making sure not to forget
the look
the tone
the touch
and all that was not said
set on overdrive
I have no choice but to comply
and go along for the ride.

Date:	2002-10-02 23:03
Subject:	:)
Security:	Public
Mood:	rejuvenated
Music:	kexp.org

Today was a great day, but I was thinking... what could have made it even better?








Yeah,
I couldn't think of anything either.

Date:	2002-10-02 18:40
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic

YES!!
yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!

(ok... not an orgasmic "yes," but emphatic nonetheless)

:)

Date:	2002-10-02 10:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	thoughtful

I look back
at how angry
you used to make me
How you provoked me
to the point of tears
Red was my favorite
color
to paint you in
angry and sensual
Frustrated with your
self-assurance
and how attractive
that was
You were such a
tease
climbing in and
leaving notes
but leaving,
seemingly moved on,
by the time I found them.